Eloping vs. Wedding: Which is Right for You?
Is it better to have an elopement or a big wedding?
I’m guessing you’re engaged and in the beginning stages of planning your “I dos”. Maybe you’ve toured a few venues, reached out to some vendors that your friends have used or started looking at dresses for the big day.
And maybe all this wedding talk is making you question whether or not a big wedding is actually something you want. Maybe you hate being the center of attention, or travel and experiences are more important to you as a couple than material things.
If you’re starting to think about eloping, let me walk you through the 4 main differences between big weddings and elopements to help you decide which one would be the best fit for you as a couple.
But real quick, we need to talk about elopements vs weddings by definition.
Elopements, as we see them, are simple, more personal, and often more adventurous, experience-based celebrations that are an authentic reflection of who YOU are as a couple. The main focus of your elopement will be the two of you and your relationship.
Weddings, on the other hand can be way more focused on:
the opinions and wishes of your family and loved ones/everyone else
entertaining and greeting guests
traditions for traditions’ sake
At the end of the day weddings and elopements end up with the same result, you marry your best friend and make memories for a lifetime. But with elopements your experience can be exactly what you want it to be.
ON TO THE 4 MAIN DIFFERENCES:
The cost
One of the biggest factors to consider when deciding between an elopement and a big wedding is going to be the cost. Eloping, by its very nature of being just the 2 of you or a select few guests is pretty much always the less expensive option, but take a look at the numbers below:
As of 2022, the average cost of a wedding in the US is $33,000
The average cost of a NY metropolitan area wedding is up to $65,824
The most expensive state in the USA to get married is Hawaii, followed very closely by New Jersey
And a NYC wedding on average will set you back over $77,000!
Now don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of ways to do this cheaper, to prioritize what’s most important and allocate the majority of your budget there and spend less on the other stuff.
But maybe realizing just how much this is really going to cost you is making you second guess your initial decision to have a big wedding. Or the guest list is already stressing you out, maybe you just don’t have time to plan. There are plenty of reasons why eloping could be right for you, but for right now, let’s just compare the cost of having a big wedding versus an elopement.
So you could have an epic adventure to start your marriage for as little as $5000 or you can go crazy and take a trip somewhere you’ve never been, eat at all the best restaurants, go on a guided adventure following your I dos and have your dream photographer + videographer capture it all for a little over $20,000 -
even splurging on your elopement could cost you $13,000 less than if you were to have an average big wedding
There are plenty of reasons to elope and plenty of reasons to have a big wedding, but hopefully this helps put things into a real perspective money wise so you can see if the cost aligns with your values.
2. Guests
Another pretty obvious difference in elopements vs weddings is the people you’re inviting. Elopements by default, will have less people in attendance. Not necessarily zero guests, you can absolutely have your best friends, or your immediate family or any combination of that. But some couples find it easier to just go it alone and have a “just us” experience to start their marriage that ultimately is just between them anyway.
An amazing part about eloping is getting to choose exactly who you want to attend. Not getting a list of long lost relatives or your parents co-workers to invite. You can invite the exact people you want, the people that are most special to you or you can keep this experience all to yourselves.
Its 100% up to you when eloping if you want it to be for just the 2 of your or a small group of 10-20 people vs a wedding guests list that 150 people long including folks you barely know so you don’t “offend anyone”.
3. FLEXIBILITY
Weddings are a great way to celebrate with your friends and family in a more traditional, formal setting. The timeline is set, the choices are limited and there’s a proven blueprint to what your wedding will look like, how it will flow and you’ll know what to expect because its been done pretty much the same way for decades.
Elopements allow for greater flexibility and spontaneity, as you can plan your day according to your own preferences and create a timeline that ensures you have the space and freedom to do whatever you want the day you get married. You can celebrate exactly how you want to, whether you want to make it memorable with a real adventures like riding quads, taking a helicopter tour to a glacier, or rock climbing for the first time together. Or if you want it to be more relaxing with time spent chilling on the beach, getting massages or even taking a nap!
You get to choose exactly how you want your day to feel, and you get to pick exactly what you want to do together that day to make it even more personal and memorable than a traditional wedding day ever could.
You just need to decide how much flexibility in your wedding day schedule you’d like and how personal you want your day to feel.
4. STRESS
Ask anyone who’s been married recently and they’ll probably tell you it was HARD. Planning a big event is stressful. Taking 200+ people into consideration, juggling multiple vendors, a 50 step long checklist and managing your family’s pressure and expectations has the potential to be pretty stressful for sure.
Not that planning an elopement is without stress and also not that having a wedding isn’t worth the stress. You just need to decide what is worth the headache and how much stress you’re willing to face.
One of the best parts about eloping is that your family likley has no frame of reference. And therefore no big list of “shoulds” that they can’t believe you’re not considering or doing. They will still likely have opinions, but its always an option to just *not tell them anything, until its done.
